Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Another New Year to Resolute!


Ahhh, New Years! A time to reflect, make lists and promises, turn over a new leaf...begin anew! Since I am a self-proclaimed, avid list-maker, I can't remember when I didn't make a New Year's resolution list. A few years ago I began to notice that the people that I truly admire, okay...want to be like, never made lists or resolutions. At all. When I asked why, the answer was simple and pure -- "if there is something I think I need to work on, I'll just do it." Ohhh, the simplicity of it all! In my mind, that's where I want to be! I sometimes think I make things so complicated and messy that there is no way I can complete anything on my "to do for myself" list. And let's face it, it also gives me a thousand and one reasons to rationalize my failings.

So, after some pre-New Year's reflection, I've decided I want to keep my resolutions simple and pure. INNER PEACE. That's it. And I don't want to come off as sounding "all zen-like and mysterious," because I am so not. And for those who know me...please keep the laughter down, thankyouverymuch! However, my thinking is this: if I only have inner peace to work on, won't all the other stuff naturally fall into place...eventually?

Stay with me on this. I know I'm rambling, but in this case I think it might be worth it. If I can truly become comfortable with myself and who I am, then I can comfortably assess all the clutter in my life. Such as:

  • My faith. I am a Christian, but I don't always practice my faith. There are people whom I envy (see?...there's another thing to work on!) who are so comfortable in their faith and who they are.
  • Healthy food choices and exercise. Always, always...'nuf said.
  • My finances. I know I need a budget, a plan, and a plan-for-the-future. Because the whole "waiting for a rich guy to propose" is not working out.
  • My grumpy attitude. When it rears its ugly head, let me tell you, the masses run. I want to be able to not just control it, but make it go away all-together.
  • My procrastination issues. Why do I always seem to leave things to the very last minute? I admit, at times it works for me, but mostly I end up wanting to slap my head like Chris Farley and yell "stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Now, I would be remiss if I didn't list the things in my life that ARE working well, and I am so blessed and grateful for all of them:

  • My children. I would never paint them as perfect, but to me, they are my perfections! They all have their different paths in life, and I love each one for that. My relationship with them is loving, unique, and special.
  • My family. We are a small bunch, but woven very tightly.
  • My friends. They love and accept me for who I am. I think I would be lost without them. Seriously, I do.
  • My house. I know, I know, we shouldn't put worth into inanimate objects, but for me my house is my sanctuary. It's the place I picked after my divorce, decorated it just the way I wanted to, and where all my loved ones sleep every night. It's my haven.
  • My job. I love it...it gives me energy, purpose, meaning, and flexibility. How many people can say that they really, really, love their job?
I am going to stop here because I have 5 things to work on and 5 things that are going exceptionally well, and I like when things come out even. So, one thing to work on. That's it. Just one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Monday, December 28, 2009

The After Christmas "Ahhh's..."



What a lovely Christmas! In fact, I haven't had such a nice Christmas in quite a while. I usually do too much, buy too much, decorate too much, so much of everything that I never end up enjoying Christmas for what it is. This year, things were different...

I am blessed to have a job where I can take the entire 2-week "winter break" off with my kids (winter break vs. Christmas? a whole different subject...) That is when my craziness usually begins. This year, I did most of my shopping early. In years before, I organized a Christmas Potluck Luncheon for my Staff and Board on the day after the last Christmas Program. That also meant I had to get to school early and decorate and then clean up afterwards. This year, I asked a Board member to take charge of the luncheon and she organized the entire event...yea! Instead of hauling all our Christmas boxes out, I only put out the decorations that I truly love. Last year I baked and baked and baked. This year? Just a few of our favorites! And this year I pulled the Christmas CD's that I really love, not the whole "kit-and-kaboodle." Did I worry about if my kids got all they wanted? Nope...I gave them a few wants and needs and they were thrilled.

On Christmas Eve we drove up to my parents' home and celebrated with family and friends. The meal was delicious, the opening of gifts fun, and then we all went to the candlelight service at their church. The late-night drive home was filled with reminiscing of past Christmases and laughter. At home Santa had left everyone new PJ's. I can't remember which one of my daughters it was, but one of them asked me this summer if they still getting PJ's on Christmas Eve. I think they thought they might be getting too old...never, it's tradition! The next morning I woke up early, made our special Christmas morning breakfast, stuffed the stockings, and spent a few precious moments with my thoughts before the kids got up. And it doesn't matter how old they get, there is still genuine excitement in their faces and voices at seeing the gifts and smelling their favorite "breakfast pizza."

As I was cleaning the kitchen I heard my kids talk with each other about when they will one day bring their kids to grandma's house for Christmas, and it took me a moment to realize they were talking about ME as a grandma! I am far from that kind of thinking, but it's nice to know that I am included in their future plans. During Christmas Day at different times, all three of my kids came to me to thank me for making their Christmas so special. The genuine sincerity, the hugs, the smiles...that was all and more than I could ever want. I know our holidays together are numbered, so I want to savor each one.

And now? Three days after Christmas? I'm relaxed, decorations put away (I am not one for having things hang around and wear out their stay!), house is clean, and I've still got almost a week left to enjoy my time off. Starting with having lunch tomorrow with a close friend. After all, there is a limit to hanging out with teenagers...and I've hit it!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wrestling Mania

My youngest daughter's boyfriend, Aaron, lives in a small rural community about an hour east of Denver, CO. He is a very sweet boy who tends to be as serious as Emily is spontaneous -- they compliment each other well. They can only get together every few weeks due to the distance. But this is nice -- it makes every time they see one another a special occasion. However, it also makes for some very long phone conversations...

Tonight Aaron had a wrestling match in a neighboring community which Emily really wanted to go to. I had told her that I would take her, but really? I was dreading it. After all day at work the last thing I wanted to do was drive 45 minutes to some school gym and watch a wrestling match. And today winter had shown its' cold and snowy face and I hate driving in snow.

But, I had made a promise to Emily. She is a sweet, low maintenance, and not very demanding girl who just wanted to show her support to her boyfriend. So, off we went. I had told her that we would leave the wrestling match right at 7pm, and no later. The town was so small that we actually drove through it before we realized what it was. The school was home to elementary, middle, and high school students. The lady who took our entrance fee and stamped a cougar paw print on my hand was smiley and very friendly.

As we walked into the gym I felt as though I had been transported back to a time when families did things together. The gym was full of moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, friends, and plain 'ol towns folk -- this was obviously the place to be on this particular evening. Emily and I found Aaron's mom, brother, and sister and sat with them. And we were definitely the "townies" in the gym. Which is kinda funny since we live in a suburb, not downtown Denver, but still...

I heard snippets of conversations about football, trucks, garbage, the weather, and grain. Three communities were represented and everyone seemed to know each others "business" and "going ons." Emily had baked Aaron cookies and I would have loved to have taken their picture -- sitting on the gym floor, backs against the padded wall, laughing and eating cookies together. I think I would have crossed the "mom" line if I had taken that picture, but I did get a very sincere "thank you" from Aaron for bringing Emily out to his match.

On the way home I let my mind wander...what would it be like to live in such a small, close-knit community? I have to admit, something about farm life tugs at my heart. I remember digging up carrots, jumping in hay stacks, and playing with dogs on my uncles farm when I was very young and wanting to be a farmers wife when I grew up. Where did those dreams go? But more importantly, what are my dreams now? I'm not sure if I really have any -- too busy getting by day to day. Maybe it's time to allow myself take a few moments every now and then to think about what it is that I really want...what do I want to be when I grow up?