Another New Year to Resolute!

Ahhh, New Years! A time to reflect, make lists and promises, turn over a new leaf...begin anew! Since I am a self-proclaimed, avid list-maker, I can't remember when I didn't make a New Year's resolution list. A few years ago I began to notice that the people that I truly admire, okay...want to be like, never made lists or resolutions. At all. When I asked why, the answer was simple and pure -- "if there is something I think I need to work on, I'll just do it." Ohhh, the simplicity of it all! In my mind, that's where I want to be! I sometimes think I make things so complicated and messy that there is no way I can complete anything on my "to do for myself" list. And let's face it, it also gives me a thousand and one reasons to rationalize my failings.

So, after some pre-New Year's reflection, I've decided I want to keep my resolutions simple and pure. INNER PEACE. That's it. And I don't want to come off as sounding "all zen-like and mysterious," because I am so not. And for those who know me...please keep the laughter down, thankyouverymuch! However, my thinking is this: if I only have inner peace to work on, won't all the other stuff naturally fall into place...eventually?

Stay with me on this. I know I'm rambling, but in this case I think it might be worth it. If I can truly become comfortable with myself and who I am, then I can comfortably assess all the clutter in my life. Such as:

• My faith. I am a Christian, but I don't always practice my faith. There are people whom I envy (see?...there's another thing to work on!) who are so comfortable in their faith and who they are.
  
• Healthy food choices and exercise. Always, always...'nuf said.
• My finances. I know I need a budget, a plan, and a plan-for-the-future. Because the whole "waiting for a rich guy to propose" is not working out.
• My grumpy attitude. When it rears its ugly head, let me tell you, the masses run. I want to be able to not just control it, but make it go away all-together.
• My procrastination issues. Why do I always seem to leave things to the very last minute? I admit, at times it works for me, but mostly I end up wanting to slap my head like Chris Farley and yell "stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Now, I would be remiss if I didn't list the things in my life that ARE working well, and I am so blessed and grateful for all of them:

• My children. I would never paint them as perfect, but to me, they are my perfections! They all have their different paths in life, and I love each one for that. My relationship with them is loving, unique, and special.
• My family. We are a small bunch, but woven very tightly.
  
• My friends. They love and accept me for who I am. I think I would be lost without them. Seriously, I do.
• My house. I know, I know, we shouldn't put worth into inanimate objects, but for me my house is my sanctuary. It's the place I picked after my divorce, decorated it just the way I wanted to, and where all my loved ones sleep every night. It's my haven.
• My job. I love it...it gives me energy, purpose, meaning, and flexibility. How many people can say that they really, really, love their job?

I am going to stop here because I have 5 things to work on and 5 things that are going exceptionally well, and I like when things come out even. So, one thing to work on. That's it. Just one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The After Christmas "Ahhh's..."

What a lovely Christmas! In fact, I haven't had such a nice Christmas in quite a while. I usually do too much, buy too much, decorate too much, so much of everything that I never end up enjoying Christmas for what it is. This year, things were different...

I am blessed to have a job where I can take the entire 2-week "winter break" off with my kids (winter break vs. Christmas? a whole different subject...) That is when my craziness usually begins. This year, I did most of my shopping early. In years before, I organized a Christmas Potluck Luncheon for my Staff and Board on the day after the last Christmas Program. That also meant I had to get to school early and decorate and then clean up afterwards. This year, I asked a Board member to take charge of the luncheon and she organized the entire event...yea! Instead of hauling all our Christmas boxes out, I only put out the decorations that I truly love. Last year I baked and baked and baked. This year? Just a few of our favorites! And this year I pulled the Christmas CD's that I really love, not the whole "kit-and-kaboodle." Did I worry about if my kids got all they wanted? Nope...I gave them a few wants and needs and they were thrilled.

On Christmas Eve we drove up to my parents' home and celebrated with family and friends. The meal was delicious, the opening of gifts fun, and then we all went to the candlelight service at their church. The late-night drive home was filled with reminiscing of past Christmases and laughter. At home Santa had left everyone new PJ's. I can't remember which one of my daughters it was, but one of them asked me this summer if they still getting PJ's on Christmas Eve. I think they thought they might be getting too old...never, it's tradition! The next morning I woke up early, made our special Christmas morning breakfast, stuffed the stockings, and spent a few precious moments with my thoughts before the kids got up. And it doesn't matter how old they get, there is still genuine excitement in their faces and voices at seeing the gifts and smelling their favorite "breakfast pizza."

As I was cleaning the kitchen I heard my kids talk with each other about when they will one day bring their kids to grandma's house for Christmas, and it took me a moment to realize they were talking about ME as a grandma! I am far from that kind of thinking, but it's nice to know that I am included in their future plans. During Christmas Day at different times, all three of my kids came to me to thank me for making their Christmas so special. The genuine sincerity, the hugs, the smiles...that was all and more than I could ever want. I know our holidays together are numbered, so I want to savor each one.

And now? Three days after Christmas? I'm relaxed, decorations put away (I am not one for having things hang around and wear out their stay!), house is clean, and I've still got almost a week left to enjoy my time off. Starting with having lunch tomorrow with a close friend. After all, there is a limit to hanging out with teenagers...and I've hit it!

Wrestling Mania

My youngest daughter's boyfriend, Aaron, lives in a small rural community about an hour east of Denver, CO. He is a very sweet boy who tends to be as serious as Emily is spontaneous -- they compliment each other well. They can only get together every few weeks due to the distance. But this is nice -- it makes every time they see one another a special occasion. However, it also makes for some very long phone conversations...

Tonight Aaron had a wrestling match in a neighboring community which Emily really wanted to go to. I had told her that I would take her, but really? I was dreading it. After all day at work the last thing I wanted to do was drive 45 minutes to some school gym and watch a wrestling match. And today winter had shown its' cold and snowy face and I hate driving in snow.

But, I had made a promise to Emily. She is a sweet, low maintenance, and not very demanding girl who just wanted to show her support to her boyfriend. So, off we went. I had told her that we would leave the wrestling match right at 7pm, and no later. The town was so small that we actually drove through it before we realized what it was. The school was home to elementary, middle, and high school students. The lady who took our entrance fee and stamped a cougar paw print on my hand was smiley and very friendly.

As we walked into the gym I felt as though I had been transported back to a time when families did things together. The gym was full of moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, friends, and plain 'ol towns folk -- this was obviously the place to be on this particular evening. Emily and I found Aaron's mom, brother, and sister and sat with them. And we were definitely the "townies" in the gym. Which is kinda funny since we live in a suburb, not downtown Denver, but still...

I heard snippets of conversations about football, trucks, garbage, the weather, and grain. Three communities were represented and everyone seemed to know each others "business" and "going ons." Emily had baked Aaron cookies and I would have loved to have taken their picture -- sitting on the gym floor, backs against the padded wall, laughing and eating cookies together. I think I would have crossed the "mom" line if I had taken that picture, but I did get a very sincere "thank you" from Aaron for bringing Emily out to his match.

On the way home I let my mind wander...what would it be like to live in such a small, close-knit community? I have to admit, something about farm life tugs at my heart. I remember digging up carrots, jumping in hay stacks, and playing with dogs on my uncles farm when I was very young and wanting to be a farmers wife when I grew up. Where did those dreams go? But more importantly, what are my dreams now? I'm not sure if I really have any -- too busy getting by day to day. Maybe it's time to allow myself take a few moments every now and then to think about what it is that I really want...what do I want to be when I grow up?

Shop 'til You Drop

No, not really, but for the first time ever I went shopping on Black Friday. My oldest daughter begged, pleaded, enticed, and pouted -- all her ammo came out last night. She scouted websites, cut coupons, and even came up with a written game plan. And how could I say "no"? With every birthday and Christmas that goes by, I think about how quickly it will be until my kids are on their own and I won't have tempting offers...like waking up at 4am to take advantage of Earlybird Specials.

So, I went to bed last night and set my alarm earlier than I can ever remember doing before. Because my son came home at midnight and wanted to chat while he ate his spicy burrito, I only got a few hours of sleep. My cat looked at me under her hooded lids and I got the distinct impression that she was thinking "suuuucker..." And she would have been right.

By the time I shuffled into the kitchen for my much needed coffee, Kelly was almost bouncing off the walls. She was dressed, coiffed, and clearly didn't need any coffee. All the commotion woke my younger daughter, Emily, and not one to stay behind, she decided to come with us. It takes her only a few minutes to get ready because she is not into matching every item of clothing that she wears (like her sister).

I was still shaking my head in disbelief as I pulled out of the driveway. It was still chilly and very dark outside. I was just thinking how embarrassed Kelly was going to be when she saw how empty the stores were going to be. But then we drove up the hill and I saw the most amazing sunrise ever. And more amazing still was when we turned into the mall -- it was packed!

In the parking lot Kelly ran into two of her friends, and she shot me a look that said, "See? I told you this was going to be fun!" Old Navy was our first stop, and yes, I walked away with some terrific bargains. Next stop was to the indoor craft mall -- again, money was spent. The third stop was Target, which was packed. By the time we got into the car it was only 9am! The girls were chatting about stores they still wanted to go to. Me? I had enough shopping to satisfy me for a long time.

The girls dropped me off at home, and with a backwards wave, they were off again. I made more coffee, and loving the quietness I sat on my patio and thought about my early morning adventure. Would I do it again? Maybe.... Did my daughters have fun? Definitely! I got hugs and "thank you's" and heard a lot of giggling. I've gotten my Christmas gifts early this year -- special time with my girls. And now if you'll please excuse me...I'm going for a much needed nap!

All Grown Up

My daughter Emily had all four of her wisdom teeth removed this morning. Today has been discussed, analyzed from all angles, and worried over for about 5 weeks. Let me tell you -- Emily's history with pain has been, well, painful.

She is only 13 months younger than her older sister Kelly, who when Em was born, became a "little mother." Emily didn't ever have to lift a finger because Kelly was there to get it for her. Emily decided what to eat, what to wear, what to play with, etc., based on whatever it was that Kelly was doing. She was the shyest of my children, spoke last, walked last...was literally, my "hip baby." Her tiny little childhood scratches, splinters, cuts and bruises were larger-than-life and hurt more than any other child's in the whole world. Many a time did I pry her from underneath the examination table at the pediatricians office -- shots were invented to torture Emily. As she grew older, my patience with her fear of needles lessened; my "motherly love" had a limit -- "Emily, please just deal with it and grow up"!

My "wish" came true today. Emily was up at 6am, dressed and ready to go. At 7am she was whisked into the back room at the ortho before I had a chance to say "good-bye," or "I love you, honey." Exactly an hour and a half later they wheeled her out. Admittedly, she was a bit loopy and her speech was somewhat garbled, but insisted she wasn't in any pain.

We got home, she ate some yogurt, took her meds, and took a nap (wait, I need to add this: on the way home, she thanked me for taking care of her and spending money to get her mouth fixed...wow). When she woke up she ate mac 'n cheese, applesauce, and more yogurt. I asked about the procedure -- I was curious as to her reaction to the needle and shot she received. She said she saw the needle, and the tears started to flow, but both the doctor and nurse were so sweet and nice to her, she knew she didn't have to be scared and the next thing she remembered was falling asleep. As soon as she finished telling me that, she left to go to McDonald's with her brother and sister and "gummed" a double cheeseburger. Currently, she is next door at her bff's house, just hanging out.

So, why am I left with this very empty feeling? As much as I was dreading her recovery, with what I thought was going to be whining, crying, etc., I was also looking forward to "baby-ing" her. She is, after all, my last baby. But that didn't happen. In fact, I'm the one left a bit weepy...today my baby girl "grew up" into a young lady right before my eyes. And I've been saying for a few years now how I just can't wait until the kids leave and I will finally have the house to myself? Lies, all lies...

Christmas in October...

It's October 10th, and we are already weeks into the Christmas season! Really?! I know, I know, it's no surprise to people anymore -- it's almost expected. Back to school and Christmas countdown all at once. Is it any wonder that the day after Christmas I look forward to putting all the decorations away...preferably before noon! We are inundated with music, lights, movies, sales, Santas, toys, catalogs, and of course, commercials -- "Christmased" out by the 25th! How very, very sad. And did you even notice that I never even mentioned Halloween or Thanksgiving?

I've worked in retail and know that the retail season is 3-6 months ahead of the actual season. And now there is a 5th season -- it comes in January and is called "cruise season." Exactly. Personally, I'd like to see a ban on all-things-Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Is it ever going to happen? Never. So what can we do?

Let's face it...Halloween is for kids. Something happens when we grow up and Halloween doesn't seem fun and exciting anymore. But to kids? It's amazing! I can remember that after trick-or-treating my brother and sister and I would dump our pumpkins out on the kitchen table and swap and trade candy. Likewise when my own kids were young -- there was more laughter and fun going on than the actual outing for the goods. Relax and enjoy...

After Halloween, let's get excited about Thanksgiving. I know there is a lot of PC stuff in the news about how this group wants the holiday banned, and Columbus was a no-good-SOB, etc, etc. Ugh...people, let it go already! Let's be grateful that this amazing country was discovered and has become the welcome beacon to so many different people. Let's celebrate our achievements and uniqueness. And to do so with family, friends, turkey, mashed potatoes, and pie...even better.

And after the meal, as you are laying on the couch watching the game, drifting in and out of a very satisfied sleepiness, then you may begin to think about Christmas. It might even begin early the next morning with all the Christmas sales. Think how much more happy and excited people would be if they saw the Christmas decorations for the first time that day! And the lights on the trees would seem special and bright, the carols more meaningful, and the Santas jolly...the way it should be.

And Advent, oh how I love Advent! Going to church every Sunday brings me that much closer to the real gift of Christmas. I want to feel that excitement and yearning that only comes with the true meaning of Christmas. It's a feeling that I haven't felt in quite a few years and I want it back...this year.

So, how do I get it back? Well, I can grumble about commercialism and this and that, but guess what? It is totally up to me to change how I feel. So...I'm going to start with Halloween. I never dress up for our Fall Festival at school..."It's just not my thing..." Well, you're right, it really is not my thing, but that's not what it is all about -- it's about the kids and their fun. So this year I'm dressing up as Mary Poppins...and totally looking forward to it! Woo hoo! And Thanksgiving? Instead of moaning about the crowds and sales and people...I might just join in this year!

Christmas...I want to feel the excitement and energy as I once did, not the work, commitments, guilt, or the same 'ol routine. I want to make a conscious effort to embrace the wonderfulness of the entire season...from start to finish.

Down on the Farm

My brother called me yesterday and asked if I wanted to meet him, his 3 1/2-year old daughter Anna, and my aunt for lunch today. He chose "White Fence Farm" because of the animals (or as Anna says it, "animunks"). My son bowed out due to school work; my daughter Kelly declined because Homecoming was this weekend, yet teachers still assigned loads of homework. Emily was up for lunch...as long as I let her drive. Even though 470 was down to one lane (I had no idea construction went on over the weekend!), and I used my imaginary brake several times, we got to our destination just fine.

There are two White Fence Farm restaurants in the country, the other one being in Chicago. Robb and I have a vague recollection of going there for one of our dads' birthdays (this was way before any marriages or grand-kids). The setting was beautiful -- typical farm buildings, lots of trees, little walking paths, gazebo, etc. The weather was sunny, crisp, very fall-like. As we went inside, I whispered to my brother, "Emily and Anna are seriously bringing down the average age in here," because really? It was full of very, very elderly folk! And my aunt? Knew several of them!

The dinner was served family-style, and the fried chicken was excellent, but who eats beets? And kidney-bean salad with dill pickles? And cottage cheese? I thought things like biscuits and corn-on-the-cob were supposed to be served with fried chicken. Although, they had these little powdered-sugar corn fritters that were very tasty. Our take-out box wasn't a box, it was a plastic bag that Emily dumped the extra chicken and corn fritters in.

We walked outside to the petting barn. Yes, Anna loved the animals, but I think Emily was as excited as I had ever seen her. She bonded with a cute little goat who's back she scratched. The goat totally arched its' back "cat-like," and kept nudging Em for more scratches. There was a huge pig in the barn that we named Wilbur, because why wouldn't we? Now, Anna is a calm, wonderful child. I've never seen her disagreeable...ever. But when Robb said, "C'mon Anna, let's go home and see if mommy is home from her trip," Anna said, "no." And kept saying it louder and louder. Of course, Emily and I did the wrong thing and giggled, which kept her going, I think. So, Robb being the very good daddy, picked her up. She did the "back-arch" and wanted to be let down. For those of you not familiar with the "back-arch," it's a very clever thing little kids do that makes it nearly impossible to hold them.

As Anna was just about to "ramp it up," I noticed a John Deere tractor. I asked Anna if she wanted to ride the tractor, and Emily jumps up on the tractor and pulls up her young cousin. It made for a very cute photo. By that time some other little girls were wanting to get on the John Deere, so Anna willingly got off. We said our good-byes and got into the car. I immediately told Em she was going to have to toss her bag of fried chicken because the scent was overwhelming. Well, Em refused to give up her bag of left-overs, so she hung the bag outside the window and rolled the window up. The looks we got on the highway were of curiosity to frowning (probably thinking something super gross was in the bag...).

So, this Sunday was fun spent with family, farm animals, the Broncos game (they won). And only 3 weeks until fall break...